Ain't It The Truth
Now that food has replaced sex in my life,
I can't even get into my own pants.
Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said, Implants?
She hit me.
I don't do drugs.
I get the same effect just standing up fast.
I live in my own little world.
But it's OK. They know me here.
I don't approve of political jokes.
I've seen too many of them get elected.
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear
Mom's wise words ..
Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...
but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying,
"Damn...that was fun!"
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear
loose-fitting clothing.
If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have
signed up
in the first place!
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping,"
now I just "chunky dunk."
Don't argue with an idiot;
people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Just remember...
if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school,
but they can in prison?
Wouldn't you know it...Brain cells come and
brain cells go,
but FAT cells live forever.
Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the
Ten Commandments cannot be displayed in a
federal building?
Bumper sticker of the year
"If you can read this, thank a teacher....
and since it's in English, thank a soldier.
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